Too much

I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to buy a house. I’m barely hanging on financially – I had to turn in my car to the lender because I can’t afford the car payment and the increase in my mortgage (they didn’t take out enough for taxes, so it went up by $130 a month). I got a $900 beater and now that’s making noises that sound like serious brake work is needed. My dishwasher doesn’t work. The overhead light in my living room doesn’t work. And tonight, the garbage disposal died.

I don’t know why I thought I’d be able to manage a house and kids and a full time job. I can’t do it. We’re going to be sleeping in my car pretty soon if this keeps up.

I’m exhausted. I’m sick of being on this planet.


Can’t think of a title

I was driving home tonight and saw a man lying on the sidewalk, face down. I turned around quickly and stopped to see if he was OK. He didn’t respond to me and I couldn’t get close enough because he had a dog who was barking at me. I called 911 – they came right away, but the cop couldn’t get a pulse and started CPR. Other people stopped and then his daughter came flying over, hysterical (obviously). I’m pretty sure the poor guy is dead. I gave the cops my information and came home but man, that was not at all what I was expecting to see on my drive home.

It’s been a while…

So let’s see. Since I was last here, I’ve bought a house and was diagnosed with breast cancer (on the same day – that was fun). I’ve quit drinking. I’ve started Weight Watchers and am going to the gym. I’m still at the same job. All of us, except the youngest, have had some serious health issues, physical and mental. It’s been a roller coaster. I’m mentally exhausted and have very little patience with anyone lately. I am in hibernation mode, just trying to get through each day without completely cracking up. I’ve pretty much lost the will to write or even do much reading, which makes me a bit sad, but not sad enough to actually remedy it. Maybe poking away at this blog again might help. Then again, it might be another two years before I write anything again.