Yet More About Boo

Boo wet the bed tonight. She wets the bed a lot but it’s usually in the middle of the night and I’ve always thought she just never woke up for it, slept right thru it and didn’t feel the wet. But now that I think about it, I think the therapist she was seeing put that idea into her head because it wasn’t until he mentioned that in front of her that she started saying that she couldn’t feel it.

But tonight she wet the bed right after I put her in it. She didn’t call me, she didn’t get up, she just peed the bed. I only figured it out because I went back in there to give her a stuffed animal and I reminded her of our deal – she goes a month without wetting the bed and she’ll get a comforter set that she can pick out herself. That’s when she told me she’d already peed.

I thought this was a medical thing, you know, small bladder, sound sleeper, but now I wonder if this isn’t an extension of the whole pooping in the closet thing she was doing 8 months ago.

I know this is most likely because of the chaos that’s going on around here. I know that. But I don’t know if therapy will help. I also really can’t afford the therapy bill. I’ll have to ask if the doctor she was seeing can reduce the copay or if there’s some other way to get a discount. Or maybe he just has some ideas for me because I’m stumped.

Maybe I should do a reward chart for smaller lengths of time –  five days gets something. But what? What’s a good, small reward for that? Something I don’t have to buy, as money is very tight right now.

Can I please just get a break? Please? I know this isn’t a major crisis but it’s just one. more. thing in my seemingly endless list of things to worry about.


Broke Down

I heard this song a few months ago on the local independent station and it made me cry.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the things I have to do every day. Finding housing, getting food stamps, bringing yet another document to the fuel assistance people, going to the career center for meetings and information sessions about housing and schooling and job fairs. Finding someone to watch The Bug while I do some of these things and taking her with me to many others. Trying to keep up with (not very successfully, I must admit) to keep up with the laundry. Packing. Worrying. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. I’m trying to take things in small bites, get thru one task and move on to the next; it seems to help keep things from seeming completely out of control.

I’m also finding it hard to not talk to M. We used to talk on the phone all the time, five or six times a day, even when things weren’t all that hot. And when he was home, we could still have interesting, sometimes funny conversations with each other. Even last night, when we went to the market together, we were still able to chat about things. It all felt normal but I had to make an effort not to talk too much, to keep it to things like when he was coming for his television, his clothes, his dresser. It wasn’t easy. I don’t think it’s going to be easy for a while.


That Canadian Boy I Married is moving out, very possibly this weekend. I don’t know how I feel about that at the moment other than “thank god I don’t have to sleep on the couch any more.”

I’m going to have to think of another nickname for him now.

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the local career center. I’m bringing my resume and am going to a training seminar they’re holding. I qualify for some grant money to go back to school for a year, I believe, since I’m now considered a Displaced Homemaker (a term that fills me with about as much joy as Advanced Maternal Age used to). I already have an Administrative Assistant certification from a community college so I’m thinking about getting an Associates as a legal secretary. What I’d really like to do is get an Ada Comstock or Frances Perkins scholarship but I don’t want to be on assistance for the next three years while I complete my degree. I also wouldn’t qualify for jack shit with a degree in English and History, so legal secretary it is.

I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I feel like I have a bit of a plan but I don’t know where I’m going to be living. I want to stay in Holyoke as O is in high school here and I rather like this city. I can’t afford where I am now by myself, though, and the wait list for  Section 8 is a year long. I am going to talk to someone to see if there are other housing vouchers available and I’m still going to look for work in the meantime. But still. It’s all very if this, then that but if that then maybe not so much and I always hated those scenarios in Logic class.

I do know one thing. I’m buying a bottle of wine tonight. And some chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.