Broke Down

I heard this song a few months ago on the local independent station and it made me cry.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the things I have to do every day. Finding housing, getting food stamps, bringing yet another document to the fuel assistance people, going to the career center for meetings and information sessions about housing and schooling and job fairs. Finding someone to watch The Bug while I do some of these things and taking her with me to many others. Trying to keep up with (not very successfully, I must admit) to keep up with the laundry. Packing. Worrying. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. I’m trying to take things in small bites, get thru one task and move on to the next; it seems to help keep things from seeming completely out of control.

I’m also finding it hard to not talk to M. We used to talk on the phone all the time, five or six times a day, even when things weren’t all that hot. And when he was home, we could still have interesting, sometimes funny conversations with each other. Even last night, when we went to the market together, we were still able to chat about things. It all felt normal but I had to make an effort not to talk too much, to keep it to things like when he was coming for his television, his clothes, his dresser. It wasn’t easy. I don’t think it’s going to be easy for a while.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Andrea (@shutterbitch)
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:28:51

    dammit, I’m sorry this is so overwhelming and hard. But it’s good that you can still have decent conversations. Perhaps that will make the dividing of lives a little easier on you, on the kids…

    Reply

  2. sandy
    Apr 09, 2010 @ 08:12:59

    Being able to chat is a good skill that will serve you well in all the co-parenting ahead, but yeah, it’s extra-painful now. I remember that, about getting divorced, that occasionally Don and I would still make each other laugh even, and I’d think, what the fuck? Why is this happening, if we can still be good like this? But the fundamental problems never changed.

    You will get through it. You will.

    You can do it. You can.

    Reply

  3. Steph
    Apr 10, 2010 @ 09:29:21

    Wish I had words of wisdom but I do not. ((((HUGS)))) know you hae many of us pulling for you. Take care of you

    Reply

  4. jen
    Apr 10, 2010 @ 20:28:15

    I haven’t been here for a very long time, and I’m so sorry to read what you’re going through right now. I hope Slaid can help you through a bit. Love him. Also, I hope you can TRY for an Ada or a Frances! I went to MHC and now live not so far away–nearer the Adas. Such great programs, both of them.

    Reply

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