That Canadian Boy I Married is moving out, very possibly this weekend. I don’t know how I feel about that at the moment other than “thank god I don’t have to sleep on the couch any more.”

I’m going to have to think of another nickname for him now.

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the local career center. I’m bringing my resume and am going to a training seminar they’re holding. I qualify for some grant money to go back to school for a year, I believe, since I’m now considered a Displaced Homemaker (a term that fills me with about as much joy as Advanced Maternal Age used to). I already have an Administrative Assistant certification from a community college so I’m thinking about getting an Associates as a legal secretary. What I’d really like to do is get an Ada Comstock or Frances Perkins scholarship but I don’t want to be on assistance for the next three years while I complete my degree. I also wouldn’t qualify for jack shit with a degree in English and History, so legal secretary it is.

I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I feel like I have a bit of a plan but I don’t know where I’m going to be living. I want to stay in Holyoke as O is in high school here and I rather like this city. I can’t afford where I am now by myself, though, and the wait list for  Section 8 is a year long. I am going to talk to someone to see if there are other housing vouchers available and I’m still going to look for work in the meantime. But still. It’s all very if this, then that but if that then maybe not so much and I always hated those scenarios in Logic class.

I do know one thing. I’m buying a bottle of wine tonight. And some chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.


22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. margalit
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 16:52:41

    I had no idea that things were changing in this direction. Do I say I’m sorry or Yippee? wish I knew. Anyhow, my brother is an attorney in S’field and he’ll know if anyone has any openings. He knows EVERY attorney in that area, having practiced there for a bazillion years. You can find him on the web if you can remember my last name, or you can email me and I’ll get you the contact info.

    Section 8 in MA is WAY WAY WAY more than a year wait. I’ve been waiting since 2002 and I don’t have mine yet. I’m disabled and so is my son, so we’re on the emergency list, but still… nope. Don’t count on it. Someone has to die for you to get one, as no new ones have been given out by hud since 97. It is SOOOO depressing!


  2. OpinionatedGift
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 18:00:58

    Let me get this straight; YOU were sleeping on the couch!!!???

    Sweety, you are definitely moving up, there is no doubt in my mind.


  3. majorbedhead
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 18:02:54

    Yes, because I stay up a lot later than he does. And sharing a bed after we decided to split up was awful.


  4. Poppy Buxom
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 18:40:26

    Awwwwww … I’m sorry, Major BH. Divorce sucks. Being unemployed sucks. Worrying sucks.

    And as a Smithie, I want you to become an Ada!


  5. OpinionatedGift
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 19:13:49

    Well at least you get the bed in a few days.


  6. magpie
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 10:15:10

    I wish you all the luck in the world.


  7. Vanessa
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 12:42:16

    I’ve been following you for about 2 months now. I think I’ve finally decided to chime in because I come from a divorced family (Mother divorced #3 in 2008 and my father is on #4, and I pray, his last). Even children can sense when parents aren’t happy or things are tense in the house…and if the split is best for the both of you then it’s best. And after all this time of not being sure of your own happiness….take this opportunity and do everything you can to make yourself back to ‘normal’. It will take time.

    Time wounds all heals. 🙂


  8. Aelyria
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 13:02:08

    You Know what? I’ve been reading your blog(s) for a while now and have never felt the need to comment… Until now. I have never once seen you speak kindly of your (nearly former) husband. Given that, why are you surprised? Why so shocked?

    I mean seriously… “THAT Canadian BOY” ??? How is that anywhere NEAR polite? Generally one refers to someone they (have) Love(d) in more respectful tones.

    So again I ask… WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED? Seems to me that you’ve been asking for it for a while

    And oh yeah for the multitudes of others that will read this… There are TWO – count them – TWO sides to EVERY story. Think about that before you make judgements on people you don’t know.


  9. Major Bedhead
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 14:45:45

    Aelyria – I have always called him that, since the day I started this blog. He’s Canadian, he’s younger than me and it was a jokey way to refer to him, nothing more. I don’t use anyone’s name on here, they all have nicknames.

    As for asking for it, well, you can make your own assumptions all you like. I have no idea why you’d continue to read a blog when you obviously think so little of me, unless you have a vested interest. I’ve been pretty open about my issues on my blog. I have never said that it was all his fault. Never.


  10. Kathy
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 15:04:55

    No profound words here, just a virtual hug and hope things will get better.


  11. Aelyria
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 16:36:23

    1) I don’t make assumptions. I’m basing my guess on the simple fact that I have been where you are now and as much as I wanted to think I bore none of the burden, 4 separations a divorce and a remarriage later I know differently. It’s really that simple.

    2) Joke or not it STILL sounds insulting. And I don’t use personal names either – I get that.

    3) I read your blog because frankly it’s entertaining to me – I read lots of blogs that I dont’ agree with but that doesnt’ mean I’m not entertained by them


  12. r.a.
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 19:31:03

    aelyria needs to craw under a rock and gitdafuck outa here! anyone who knows you knows that you’ve not “given in” to this lightly. i’m so sorry, hon and i hope that you can find peace in all of this. it sounds like you have your ducks in a row and you’re organized. it doesn’t feel like it, but that will help as you and TCBIM move forward in your altered relationship. ::hugs::


  13. Aelyria
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 20:06:03

    ~ did i say anything about giving in at all? No I didn’t. I simply said what MY experience was when asked why i was assuming things. I dont assume anything i simply make suggestions and/or assertions based on my experiences. Given my personal experience i would never think ANYONE would (in your words) “Give In” to divorce lightly….

    and for you bedhead I’m offering some gentle advice that helped me move forward with my ex especially regarding our ongoing relationship with our three children. Look into Imago therapy and intentional dialogue. It truely made a world of difference in how we communicated with each other and with our kids


  14. Angela
    Apr 03, 2010 @ 00:31:14

    Hun, I am so sorry. You have been through so much and I now hope you’ll be able to find some peace and happiness. You’ve been fighting this battle for quite a while now, far longer than some people would have. (cough… me… cough). You are stubborn and NOT a quitter.

    You don’t have to answer to anyone about nicknames you have for anyone. Actually, I always thought it was ‘That Canadian Bastard I Married’. hmmmm. that actually sounds about right to me.



  15. Aelyria
    Apr 03, 2010 @ 13:13:57

    wow, Angela thats a bit harsh for someone you don’t even Know


  16. Suebob
    Apr 03, 2010 @ 23:13:55

    I wish you all the best. You deserve every happiness. I mean it. Big hugs.


  17. Angela
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 03:59:58

    How can you assume I don’t know him? Maybe I do?

    So many assumptions.


  18. irretrievablybroken
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 12:24:31

    I followed you back from the comment you left on my website. Listen, hang in there. Email me directly if you like. It’s a terrible thing you’re going through, no matter how you slice it. If I can be of any help at all, don’t hesitate to ask.

    I have a few thoughts on the comment thread, too, but will save them for private correspondence, as have no desire to throw fuel on the fire. Hang in there. And again, if there’s anything–anything at all–do let me know.


  19. irretrievablybroken
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 18:27:30

    Well, not to get all self-help booky on you or anything, but there is one Eckhard Tolle strategem that works, or seems to–step back and observe yourself being all those things that it’s perfectly normal to be when in the throes of separation. I know. It sounds crushingly stupid. But I swear to god, sometimes just noting that you feel like shit gives you a crucial distance–just enough to breathe again. And keeping track of the tremendous emotional flux–the back and forth, the misery, the other kind of misery, the elation, etc–kind of makes you sit up and notice that hey, things do change. They pass. Eventually things pass. There’s always new crap to overcome, but it’s not always the same, nor is your reaction.

    What can I say? I’m someone who cried at yoga, for christ’s sake. So take it or leave it, by all means, and don’t worry about your level of worry, if that makes sense.

    You’re brave, and this is really hard.


  20. Steph
    Apr 10, 2010 @ 09:25:30

    J~ so sorry for you! I from experience no matter how bad things are it is hard when it comes to an end. ((((HUGS)))) I know this time has to be hell for you and when somebody who has nothing positive to say to continue to reply can’t help at all. I am praying for peace & strength to make it through this hard time. Keep your head up & take care of you.


  21. Steph
    Apr 10, 2010 @ 09:27:55

    Oh one more thing I have known you since our kids were in our bellies. I have always heard you refer to him as That Canadian Boy I Married & NEVER thought anything of it.


  22. kittenpie
    Apr 17, 2010 @ 15:40:09

    J, I’m sorry – I’ve been tweeting but not blogging and reading much for a while, and missed this. Even if it’s what you want in the end, that’s tough, and I’m sorry you’ll have so much on your plate for a while. Hope it gets easier fast, hon.


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