Another Fine Mess

I kind of don’t know what to say about all of this. It’s a little embarrassing to talk about but since I was all over Twitter about it last weekend, I guess I should blog about it so I can use more than 140 characters.

I was using my husband’s computer last Friday night and found some lengthy correspondence between him and another woman. It wasn’t raunchy but the tone was very tender and caring and intimate in a non-physical way. So I started poking around. Caveat – for the last five years, he’s always told me to go thru his email and phone if I ever had doubts about him. He did this once before, you see, when I was pregnant with Boo. This is why I was poking around. He’s been spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer, on Facebook and MSN chat and I was starting to wonder what was going on.

I found pictures he’d sent of himself to a different woman. Naked pictures and she’d sent some back to him. I confronted him about it and he claims he has no memory of taking or sending them.

Uh huh.

I don’t even know where to go with this. How can he have no memory of it? He said maybe he was drunk when he did it and if that is the case (which I seriously doubt), then we have a whole other issue to deal with. Had he had that much to drink, he would have been sick the next day and he was fine.

I haven’t had much time to discuss this with him because our schedules never overlap and it’s not really something I want to discuss while he’s at work or in front of the kids. I’m going to have to schedule a meeting with him.

It’s all so ridiculous and pathetic and I’m so sick of being disappointed.

There’s a part of me that just wants to give up, to get my own apartment and be alone, with my kids, for a long, long time. It would be peaceful. It would be a lot less work that this shit. I wouldn’t have my heart out there, getting stomped on time and time again. I think I’d like that.


20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laurie
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 12:40:44

    I'm sorry you're going through this. And I know that is no help to you at all. I'm thinking of you! (the CAPTCHA to post this comment is: unmen…interesting.)


  2. Opinionated Gifts
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 12:45:59

    Given how much your kids keep jumping on the bed and never going to sleep I wonder how quiet it would actually be.More seriously though, as much as you don't want to talk about it or face it, you guys have to make an appointment with eachother to go over it all. The longer you avoid it, the worse it will get. That's the sucky sucky of these things.Think of it this way. The sooner you talk, really talk, the sooner you will know what to do and feel good about doing it, no matter what it is.(Big giant hug)


  3. LauraJ
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 12:52:21

    I haven't any wise words of wisdom. Big hugs!


  4. George
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 12:52:59

    First ((HUGS))Second, it sounds like a talk is in order. Like OG said, you need to know what the deal is to decide what the next step is.Take care my friend. I am thinking about you and karaoke. 🙂


  5. Anonymous
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 13:00:20

    Sending big hugs … we sent the kids away yesterday and talked for over 3hrs…much needed! still no set plans but it was a good step regardless of the way things go…


  6. Mad Woman
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 15:52:56

    I'll echo (loudly) what everyone else has said…I'm really sorry you're going through this. I send big, international, cyber hugs to you and I'll keep you both in my thoughts. I hope that the talk will help, in whatever way, and that decisions can be made, agreements come to.Good luck!


  7. Green-Eyed Momster
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 16:15:10

    That sucks! Is it a deal breaker? You'll have to decide. I always make a list of pros and cons. I'll stand behind any decision or changes you need to make. It's your life. You need to do what's best for you.Big hugs!!


  8. thatgirlblogs
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 16:29:03

    and this person would tell you the truth because… ?I'd go to therapy if it were me, and watch him squirm.Hope this works out in some way, whichever way, is best for you and the kids.


  9. Lisa
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 19:38:00

    Oh no! I hope that he can be honest with you and that you can find a happy place in all of this pain.


  10. Magpie
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 20:51:57

    Oh crap. I'm sorry.


  11. The Runaway Lawyer
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 21:01:58

    I'm so sorry. Obviously you can't tolerate that sort of dishonest behavior and pattern of lying as things stand now, but only you can know what action is best for your family. Would you be better off staying or leaving and what is best for your babies – is this the type of behavior they might eventually think is tolerable or expected in a mate or is it a one time event that they would never need to know about? I hope you are able to make the decision that is best for you, whatever that may be. (((Hugs)))


  12. Lara
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 21:53:07

    DOOD. I am so sorry. Good luck to you.


  13. SUEB0B
    Oct 15, 2009 @ 22:10:32

    You know I'm not a good one for relationship advice, since I am so untalented at it. But I can vouch that living on your own is a good thing, if you can swing it. I have really, really enjoyed it the past 4 years.


  14. elizasmom
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 08:01:56

    Shitballs, man, that sucks. I hope you get answers and information soon that offer you a clear course of action, whatever that is. Here if you need me…


  15. mamatulip
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 09:07:48

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.


  16. Andrea
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 14:48:22

    He cheated on you when you were pregnant with Boo?Oh dear.I have been there–almost exactly where you are standing right now, in fact, so if you want to talk to someone, please email me. There's not much practical I can offer you but I am here if you need an ear (/eye). Or message me on FB or something. I'll be thinking of you.


  17. Rachel
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 16:28:15

    Ok, totally missed this.Anyhow, sorry that you're going through this crap. Blah!!! Let me know if you need anything.


  18. Mass Hole Mommy
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 17:26:34

    Wow, so sorry you have to go through this BS. It's so hard where you don't see each other to be able to talk about it, either. Hope it all works out!!


  19. Sarahtoo
    Oct 16, 2009 @ 23:32:27

    Good grief. I'm so sorry! I wish I could find something positive to say (you know how I am), but… I've got nothing. I hate that you're having to go through this. If you need to talk, I'm here, rooting for you. [[HUGS]]


  20. ree
    Oct 19, 2009 @ 21:31:53

    {{hugs}} There are no words to express my heartache on your behalf.


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