This Is My Brain On Water

I’ve finally gone back to the Y. We moved and then the child watch was closed for a couple of weeks and then the pool was closed for a couple of weeks and suddenly I hadn’t gone in 5 weeks. And I felt like crap.

I went twice last week, but there was so much crappe going on here that that was all I managed. I realized how much I missed it, so I’m going to make every effort to go daily from now on.

My brain goes into this weird state when I’m swimming. Witness:

Into the water. Damn, it’s cold. Why’s it have to be so freakin’ cold?

OK, let’s do this. Push off. Start swimming.

Sploosh, sploosh, splash.

This doesn’t feel that bad, actually, all things considered. OK, I’m going to do a mile. That’s 35 laps.

Up and back, up and back, counting the lengths.

OK, I’ve done 10. That’s 1/7th of how many I have to do. I wonder how many 2/7ths is. I attempt to do fractions in my head. Fail miserably.

Maybe I should do 80 lengths, then I can break it down more easily. 10 laps is 1/8th.

Sploosh, sploosh, splash. Up and back, up and back.

20 lengths. That’s 1/4 if I decide to do 80. Much easier to divide by 2s.

I don’t know if I can do 80. What if I only do 50? Then 25 lengths will be half.

You can do more than 50. That’s not even a mile. Do 70, at least.

Sploosh, sploosh, splash. Up and back, up and back.

OK, 30 lengths. Not quite half of 70, but I’m getting there.

35 lengths. Halfway done! Yippee!

This is starting to feel good. My shoulders are a little poppy, but I feel like I’m working out the kinks. Feels good.

41 lengths. My age. I always get all philosophical at this point. I can’t believe I’m 41. Next length is how old I’ll be in November.

45 lengths. Boy, I am not looking forward to turning 45. I don’t know why I seem to have a hard time with the 5 years. 25 and 35 bummed me out, too.

Sploosh, sploosh, splash. Up and back, up and back.

50 lengths. Oh, I’m not stopping now. I can do another 20 of these with no problem.

Huh. When I’m 50, That Canadian Boy I Married will only be 37. That may be deeply weird.

I wonder how they dust all that steel girding up there. I wonder how they change the light bulbs in those lights over the pool.

Sploosh, sploosh, splash. Up and back, up and back.

60. Almost done. Oh, man, here come those two old men who drove me so nuts last week, standing there, in the middle of the lap pool, having a conversation at the TOP OF THEIR LUNGS. I hope they don’t do that today. Even without my glasses, I can see that 80 year old men should not be wearing Speedos. There should be a law.

Hey, if I sort of drop my shoulders and extend my neck, the way they told me to in deportment and ballet, I can go a lot faster. Wheee, look at that! Who gets a second wind after 30 laps? Me, apparently.

Sploosh, sploosh, splash. Up and back, up and back.

Ugh, I’m getting a cramp in my calf. Ouch. I can’t exactly kick with my foot pointing at the ceiling.

Just keep going. Just keep going, almost done and then I can stretch.

68.

69.

70.

OK, I’m done. I can’t do 100 today. I can’t even do 80 today. I’m glad I did 70. That’s a mile. And a mile is not shabby at all.

And that is my brain on water.

Any questions?

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mike
    Sep 29, 2008 @ 13:08:00

    I used to swim in high school and college and I had the very same type of conversations in my head. Just be careful not to answer yourself to often…

    Reply

  2. LauraJ
    Sep 29, 2008 @ 13:53:00

    Awesome for you being able to go swimming again! All mamas need to find a little sanity somewhere. And you know ANY man in a speedo should be outlawed!

    Reply

  3. ~*~K.A.T~*~
    Sep 29, 2008 @ 15:24:00

    LMAO I love the way your mind works

    Reply

  4. sandy shoes
    Sep 29, 2008 @ 17:39:00

    Yes! I do have a question! Do you do flip turns? Cause I never got the hang of those, and I always feel like a huge dork at the pool because of it. Can they be learned at my late/fat age?Swimming just kicks my ass. I’m totally impressed with you. Good going!

    Reply

  5. Major Bedhead
    Sep 29, 2008 @ 17:52:00

    sandy shoes – no, I don’t do flip turns. I can’t see well enough to do them and I don’t have any goggles. I’m not sure if I could do them anymore – I used to know how, but it’s been decades since I’ve done them.

    Reply

  6. Rachel
    Sep 29, 2008 @ 19:35:00

    sometimes I do that on the elliptical (something similar anyways).

    Reply

  7. Lyrehca
    Oct 01, 2008 @ 07:11:00

    Awesome. Go you. A good pair of goggles is only $20 or so–how do you swim without them?

    Reply

  8. Anonymous
    Oct 01, 2008 @ 13:46:00

    I think we’re related. I used to do fractions to help me remember how many laps I’d swum – EVERY SINGLE LAP, I’d do 1/70, 1/35, 3/70, 2/35, etc. I also alternated strokes for four laps – crawl, back stroke, crawl, breast stroke. And I would always check out the steel beams on the back stroke laps.And don’t you HATE to share a lane?Jenny

    Reply

  9. Shutter Bitch
    Oct 06, 2008 @ 10:08:00

    That actually sounds heavenly. Hmmm…. the wheels are turning.

    Reply

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