Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me

I have been feeling so sorry for myself for the last couple of days. I don’t seem to have a real reason for it, I’m just bummed.

I took the girls to play group today and I felt like a big schlub. All the other kids looked so cute and put together and my kids come in with flyaway hair, looking like they just rolled out of bed. I felt harried and rushed and annoyed with life in general. I sat there, watching the girls play and felt like crying. Boo was grabby and bossy. The Bug just wandered around happily, trying to play with the bigger kids but mostly being left behind. It didn’t seem to bother her, but it bothered me. I’m not really sure why.

I hate it when I get this way. I don’t know why I feel so sad some days. It’s been coming on for a few days – I can always tell when I’m going to slide down into this pit because I spend the day or two leading up to it in a foul, foul mood. I’ve been snappy and cranky and generally unpleasant to be around.

I don’t know how to cope with this when it comes up. It’s kind of unpredictable and always takes me by surprise. I can’t exactly sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself, although that’s all I want to do. I wish I could just drive off and sit somewhere and be mopey by myself. Instead, I have to push it down and deal with life. I can’t really talk to TCBIM about it because he just doesn’t get it. He thinks that because I’m on an anti-depressant, I should be fine and that if I’m not, then I’m just being selfish and whiny. And maybe I am. I know that I annoy myself when I’m like this and I would like it to stop. I just wish I knew how.

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Zazzy
    Jan 29, 2008 @ 23:21:00

    You’re in my head again. The logical part of me knows it’s okay to be sad and mopey sometimes. But I know what it’s like to feel like if I am, I must be letting everyone else down. Everyone depends on me and I must be at 100% all the time!Give yourself a break.

    Reply

  2. talesofmy30s
    Jan 29, 2008 @ 23:44:00

    I think the biggest thing that helps me feel halfway normal is how G tells me that he’d rather like me how I am than being society’s ideal of normal (Size, mind, whatever). I’m not perfect, I mean, at nearly 32 without a frickin license, yeah, definitely not perfect. Yet, I feel it after he gives me the pep talk.

    Reply

  3. sandyshoes
    Jan 29, 2008 @ 23:54:00

    I hope it’s not too presumptuous of me to say I know what it’s like down in that pit. I fall down there too. All there is to say really is that this, too, shall pass. It has helped me to think of it not as part of who I am, but something external that happens TO me from time to time, and then goes away. Something that LIES to me, if that makes any sense. Because life is good, and I know it is, and still sometimes I can only feel awful. Gah, I’m babbling. I hope you feel better soon.

    Reply

  4. SUEB0B
    Jan 29, 2008 @ 23:55:00

    Maybe its hormonal? Just checking.And about the kids with the hair…jesus, I freaking hate those put together kids with their preshus little outfits and their accessories. I LOVE it when kids have muddy knees and are mismatched…like kids are spozed to be. Their jobs are to learn and explore and be physical and flexible and to romp, not to worry about their designer duds. Those little color-coordinated angels are so sad to me. You have my good housekeeping seal of approval.

    Reply

  5. Colleen
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 07:06:00

    Well, you can talk to us about it any time – and we will listen. I can’t offer advice but your friends here care.

    Reply

  6. LauraJ
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 07:11:00

    all i got to offer is a hug!I’ve been feeling this way for quite some time. I’m having my thyroid checked out…

    Reply

  7. the mama
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 10:47:00

    hang in there. there may not be any physical reason for feeling this way- you might just need to feel down in the pit for some reason. maybe if you can embrace it- feel everything you need to feel- and then you can rise to the top quicker. it’s so hard. it’s as if these pits are completely unavoidable and oh-so isolating. it doesn’t matter how many people say that they can relate or have been there- they just haven’t been in THIS pit before.hang in there. know that you’ll be out of this space soon. and for fuck-sakes, friend! no worries about the kids-looking-like-kids. mine look like orphans most days and i’ve just decided i can’t care. their teeth are clean, diapers are changed, and fingernails clipped. in other words, the really important stuff is tended to.don’t forget that you’re doing a fabulous job.

    Reply

  8. Araby62
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 12:42:00

    I agree with others here. Speaking as a rough-and-tunble tomboy myself, I think the only time my mom cared what I looked like was special events or when I had pictures taken. Otherwise it was off to the races…Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    Reply

  9. Velma
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 12:52:00

    Count me in as a fellow anti-depressant taking, blue funk experiencing mother of messy, messy children. I can’t even articulate how alien those neatly done-up matchy-matchy kids are to me.

    Reply

  10. Life As I Know It
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 13:40:00

    This is a rough time of year. The middle of a cold, dark, snowy winter. Hoping you feel better soon.

    Reply

  11. MsCellania
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 15:18:00

    I attribute my bitchy-whiney-nuttin’s good enough to hormones and short daylight hours (in winter – in summer it’s just the ebb and flow of life — and, yeah; hormones!). They way I look at it, if I didn’t think life sucked some times, how would I know how beautiful it is at other times?Be kind to yourself during these times. I treat myself to a special coffee that I otherwise would never buy, try to smile at my children more so they at least know they are still Big Stuff in my life, or just grit my teeth and repeat the mantra ‘thistooshallpass;thistooshallpass;thistooshallpass.

    Reply

  12. elizasmom
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 18:54:00

    I ALWAYS have a meltdown this time of year. It’s like a rule or something. And my kid, she is the one in the too-short, patterned, crushed-velvet leggings (she would wear them every day if we let her) and the shirt with the grimy cuffs.

    Reply

  13. Ree
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 20:04:00

    {{{hugs}}} I could give all kinds of advice, but really, how much do I know?Maybe, though, with two little ones, you simply need some down time. Some me time. Some time where you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. For at least a day, but two would be better so you could get an overnight in there. And all of that may last way longer than you expect.

    Reply

  14. Josie
    Jan 30, 2008 @ 23:35:00

    Get out of my head.I blame my “funk” on the dreary, no sun in 10 days weather. But its hard. Its not just you and stop beating yourself up. You more than have your hands full.

    Reply

  15. Lara
    Jan 31, 2008 @ 01:07:00

    being on anti-depressants just means that you get to experience a normal range of emotions, and sadness is one of those. i keep reminding myself of that too.hang in there, kid. that’s what i’m doing.

    Reply

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