Cat Shit and Text Messages

This is Oscar:


Pretty cat, no? He’s a Persian that I got from a shelter and he bears a strong resemblance to Oscar The Grouch, thus, the name. He’s snuggly and friendly and thinks he’s a dog. He follows me around. He actually likes to be petted. He seeks out affection. He sleeps on his back and sometimes he drinks from the toilet. I love this cat. Right now, however, he is pissing me off. He has shit on the floor four times in the last three days. His litter box is clean. He has food and water. Sometimes he just shits on the floor.

So I thought I’d share this picture. Because if he’s gonna piss me off, then I’m going to give it right back.

Doesn’t he bear a strong resemblance to Nathan Lane in The Birdcage?


See the resemblance?

My cat, the drag queen.

Today I got a text message, from someone named Jay. Here’s how it went:

Jay: Hey, how u doin?
Me: Who is this?
Jay: Jay, from Ultra 88.
Me: I think you have the wrong phone number (yes, I spelled out number. Because I’m a geek.)
Jay: Dana?
Me: No, Julia.
Jay: Ok did I meet you at Ultra 88.
Me: I don’t even know what that is.
Jay: The nightclub at Mohegan sun.
Me: Nope, not me.
Jay: We danced all night long, it was great.
Me: Not with me – My lawyer advised me not to dance after the last “incident.”
Jay: LOL So how old r u? (Fantastic. Txt spk)
Me: 40. And very married. With four children.
Jay: Whoa. OK. Well, enjoy your new phone.

These two things? The most excitement I’ve had all week.

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23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. MsPrufrock
    May 18, 2007 @ 10:24:00

    You slut! Ha. I too am a texting geek. I never abbreviate, and I would hate myself forever if I did.

    Reply

  2. Lara
    May 18, 2007 @ 10:31:00

    i love that he was asking your age, just in case this completely random stranger who happened to have a phone number he thought he knew might want to meet up with some strange man for any completely incomprehensible reason.

    Reply

  3. Megan
    May 18, 2007 @ 11:15:00

    “40 and very married. With 4 children.”Julia- I love you! That’s hilarious. I’d love to see the look on that guys face.

    Reply

  4. George
    May 18, 2007 @ 12:15:00

    I am laughing my ass off right now! (I really wanted to LMAO but..)I got into a biligual texting argument. Someone texted me in Spanish and I hopped on the computer and told this dude off in Espanol! It was funny (and I was drunk) at the time.

    Reply

  5. Oh, The Joys
    May 18, 2007 @ 13:41:00

    Jay is onto your secret second identity!

    Reply

  6. Timna
    May 18, 2007 @ 14:13:00

    So funny! No one ever texts me, let only thinking their gonna get some action out of it.Maybe Oscar and my cat should get together. Patches shits on the floor. Right in front of the litter box. While I’m watching.

    Reply

  7. Wisconsin Crunchy Mama
    May 18, 2007 @ 16:32:00

    I’m not sure which is more funny ~ the cat or the little boy on the phone. I’ve never used the text thing on my phone. Techno-phobia 🙂

    Reply

  8. Shannon
    May 18, 2007 @ 16:36:00

    LMAO at the way he just cut off that conversation QUICK when you told him about being married with 4 kids.I guarantee he wouldn’t have cut it off if you told him you were married and neglected to tell him about the 4 kids.Ick about the cat shit.

    Reply

  9. Mrs. Chicky
    May 18, 2007 @ 17:53:00

    That cat is just too fabulous for words, dahling. Now be a dear and get my my Pirin tablets.

    Reply

  10. Her Bad Mother
    May 18, 2007 @ 18:42:00

    Maybe Oscar’s been out clubbing, under an alias…

    Reply

  11. SUEB0B
    May 18, 2007 @ 20:27:00

    I wonder if he gets much action that way.

    Reply

  12. Beaman
    May 19, 2007 @ 04:57:00

    You dress your cats? My gosh. Funny picture! He looks a grouch but sounds very nice.

    Reply

  13. bethany
    May 20, 2007 @ 01:50:00

    love the cat … though sure you’re not loving the shitting … and yet the text messages? hilarious! p.s. tell O i’ll miss her this summer since there’s no camp for me. but hopefully i’ll send her a letter and a package.

    Reply

  14. type1emt
    May 20, 2007 @ 15:10:00

    both of those are priceless!lol

    Reply

  15. karrie
    May 20, 2007 @ 16:56:00

    How bizarre! (The texting. I love OScar.)

    Reply

  16. Life As I Know It
    May 20, 2007 @ 20:26:00

    Just came across your blog today.And wanted to say that I can actually see the Nathan Lane resemblence. Seriously. Great post.

    Reply

  17. Allison
    May 21, 2007 @ 01:09:00

    Julia, you make me happy. 😀

    Reply

  18. evalinn
    May 21, 2007 @ 09:17:00

    That´s not too bad! I wish I was a cat, they sure know how to enjoy life!I once had a strange mess-conversation with a guy, it started with me sending it to the wrong number. At first I thought it was funny and I got kinda flirty (asked him to send pics). But somewhere along the way, he got it wrong and started swearing at me…I guess I freaked him out. I have that affect on men…

    Reply

  19. Jenny
    May 21, 2007 @ 15:11:00

    So now we’re disavowing all the wild partying we did this weekend at Ultra? Just because you don’t admit to the nude table dancing doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

    Reply

  20. lildb
    May 22, 2007 @ 00:37:00

    I would totally take that much action over how much I’ve had lately (i.e., zero).sigh.

    Reply

  21. Kim
    May 23, 2007 @ 06:50:00

    Our cat has spewed in our bedroom twice in the last three weeks. AND peed in the wardrobe – in MY shoeboxes and once in a pair of MY shoes. She is so on the outer. The last spew was two nights ago, which chef discovered when he trod in it at around 3am after we were up for the second time that night w/ Jasper.

    Reply

  22. Angewl
    Jun 01, 2007 @ 08:35:00

    I love that picture of Oscar. He is perfectly named. lol

    Reply

  23. waidesworld
    Jun 17, 2008 @ 21:35:00

    Laughing at the text…found your blog cause my cat randomly shat on the floor and Google return #1 for “cat randomly shits on floor” is yours! I agree with texting the full word and not this txtmsges…and we wonder why a)kids can’t spell and b)why they have zero grammar

    Reply

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