Random cuteness and two dilemmas

On changing a particularly stinky diaper: “Peee-ewww, Mama. My butt went up my nose.”

On driving by Dunkin Donuts: “Mama, I need a coffee. I hab a large banilla, black. Ana munchkin.”

On hearing the rustle of a candy wrapper: “Mama, I wanna cock lick.” No matter how hard I try, I can’t get her to properly pronounce chocolate. Let’s just hope she doesn’t ever ask me for any cock lick while we’re at the market or anything….

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Dilemma #1:

When O was Boo’s age, she was sick. It took months to get a diabetes diagnosis and during that time, she was, understandably, not feeling the best. She would sit on the floor and play with her toys. She spent a lot of time snuggled next to me. We read a lot of books together. We also spent a lot of time at the doctor’s office, trying to get someone to listen to me that this child just wasn’t right. I was told that I should stop worrying and be thankful I had a quiet two year-old. Ten years later, that statement still makes my blood boil.

Anyway. This post isn’t about O, it’s about Boo. She is so. fucking. stubborn. Every day is a battle of wills. Every day finds her stomping her feet and screaming “NO!” in my face. Every day, there are torrents of tears, complete with ear drum rupturing shrieking. I’m just waiting for the head-spinning, green vomit scene. (I was going to post a picture here, but, ew, I just did a GIS and, um, no. I’d successfully blocked that scene and now it’s back. Fanfuckingtastic.)

She spends a lot of time in time out. I spend a lot of time berating myself because I often lose it when she gets like this. I’m usually successful at redirecting her because most of the time, the tantrum isn’t over anything huge. But there are days (like today) when nothing works, when she’s binging off the walls like a monkey on speed, when she spends more time crying than playing. I hate days like today.

I just don’t know what else to do with her. Time outs, redirecting, talking to her (as much as you can talk to a two year-old) about how she’s acting – none of it seems to work when she’s really in a tizzy. Right now, she’s in her bedroom, in her crib, because I’d had enough. I had to walk away before I totally lost it. I’m hoping she calms down, maybe takes a little nap, or just sits in there and chills out.

Most of the time, I like staying home with the kids. I like spending time with them without it just being a mad rush at the end of the day to get them fed, bathed and put to bed. I like having the weekdays to run errands and do chores so that our weekends are pretty much free. But days like today, man, I want to go back to work in the worst way.

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Dilemma #2:

Speaking of going back to work: TCBIM’s company is looking for an office manager. TCBIM gave my name and resume to the boss, who seems interested. This could either be a good thing or a very bad thing. TCBIM is in sales and is rarely in the office – maybe once a week, he has to go in for something, but it’s a quick in and out. If I were to get the job, I’d be on the phone with him a lot – the current office manager talks to him 10 or 15 times a day. So, I’d be working with him, but not with him, with him.

I thought I’d put it to my imaginary internet weirdo friends. What would you do? With either of these dilemmas? Answers on the back of a $20 bill, please. Send to: Major Bedhead, Westa Wistah, MA.

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