Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Saying:

1. Stop putting balogna in your armpits.
2. It doesn’t go in your ears, either.
3. No! Don’t eat the cat poo!
4. Please don’t lick the dog.
5. Please don’t lick the cat.
6. Don’t put the dirty underwear on your head.
7. Are you poopy? (As I pick her up a sniff her butt. Sniff. Her. Butt. Do you know how gross that is when you stop and think about it? Because really. It’s gross. And I do it. So does every other mother I know. Scoop up kid, sniff butt. I have no shame. But neither do the rest of you, so nyah.)

I used to be cool.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mark
    Mar 15, 2007 @ 16:07:00

    You’re still cool – in the mommy sort of way. These sorts of posts keep me pushing any prospect of kids further and further into the future.

    Reply

  2. Lara
    Mar 15, 2007 @ 17:18:00

    #7 is sad. but sooooo true. i think it’s maybe even sadder that i’ve done it when i don’t even have kids. i’ve done it when taking care of other people’s children. sigh.

    Reply

  3. Cat, Galloping
    Mar 15, 2007 @ 19:22:00

    personally, i prefer the Peek over the Sniff…

    Reply

  4. julia
    Mar 15, 2007 @ 22:04:00

    Well, yes, me too, but the onesie doesn’t always allow for the peak. Sometimes you have to do the sniff test.

    Reply

  5. TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre
    Mar 16, 2007 @ 00:51:00

    I would always grab at the sides, pull them out *really far* and look for darkeness.I still look for darkness in the kiddos, but for way different reasons.

    Reply

  6. Angela
    Mar 16, 2007 @ 01:38:00

    My husband has caught me actually sticking my finger IN the diaper to see if its messy. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. He was like ‘ewwwww’. When did I stop actually thinking BEFORE acting?? After the first or second kid? I think it had to of happened before the third and fourth cause, well…. there is a third and a fourth. ROFLMAO

    Reply

  7. Oh, The Joys
    Mar 16, 2007 @ 07:38:00

    Ah, yes. The sniffing of butts. So DAILY, no HOURLY around here.

    Reply

  8. Bubba
    Mar 16, 2007 @ 11:19:00

    I’ve never been cool…and I don’t have kids…but I’ve done the butt sniff too. *sigh*I love this post… 🙂

    Reply

  9. Rachel
    Mar 16, 2007 @ 13:11:00

    [raises hand] I am also a butt-sniffer. I have been advised to use the Peek Method (which involves getting jeans off of a squirming body and then back on) or the Finger Test, but with that one, you just end up with poop on your hand. So, the Sniff Test it is. Causes the least amount of damage.But I’m still cool.

    Reply

  10. SuburbanOblivion
    Mar 16, 2007 @ 23:02:00

    Around here we’ve had “Do NOT bite the dog!!””Let go of your brother’s penis, NOW!”And my personal favorite, “Brendan, you are going to hurt yourself, your pee-pee will not fit into your belly button, STOP IT!”Gotta love boys.

    Reply

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