Poopenheimer

The Bug hadn’t pooped in 10 days and although she was peeing like a champ, she was starting to seem a bit uncomfortable; not surprising at all, really. I tried calling the doctor, but they take Friday afternoons off (lucky people). In desperation, I did what most parents do: I Googled.

After checking several reputable websites, I came to the conclusion that the best thing to do would be to give her some diluted prune juice (cue collective cries of “Ewwwwww, pruuuuuune juice!” ). I mixed one ounce of juice with two ounces of water and attempted to get her to drink it.

At first, she was enthusiastic, sucking on the bottle like it was, well, my boob. It must have taken a minute for the juice to register with her taste buds because all of a sudden, she screwed up her face and pushed the bottle right out of her mouth and glared at me. There’s nothing like being glared at by a four month-old.

So I broke out the medicine dropper and spent the next couple of hours trying to coax her to drink the juice. She’d lap it up and then let half of it dribble out of her mouth. She wound up sticky, pissed off and very, very tired. I finally gave up. She got maybe an ounce into her, if that. I figured if she hadn’t pooped by the morning, I’d call the doctor.

Now this is not usually a child whose poops you fail to notice. They arrive with a fanfare of farts, a gaggle of grunts and a plethora of poops. She was, until recently, a champion pooper. She seems to have morphed, however, into a stealth pooper. She sat in her exersaucer, bouncing around, smiling and happy. I picked her up to feed her and hoo boy. Poopage. Much poopage. From her thighs to the back of her neck. Ick. Of course, I stuck my hands in it when I picked her up – this is what happens when you have a stealth pooper. You’re unprepared. She had an unfair advantage in the poop battle.

It’s hard to wrangle a poop-covered baby. You don’t want to put them against you because, ew. My clothes are already smeared with sticky hands, they don’t need to have poop accessories. So I held her straight out in front of me. Poop smeared all over her head as I took the onesie off, so it was straight into the shower with her. Do you know how hard it is to hold a baby under the shower when you are fully dressed? Do you know how hard it is to wash said baby, when you’re fully dresssed and the baby is slippery?

You’ll be glad to hear that I didn’t drop the baby, nor did I get any poop on my clothing. The exersaucer may be out of comission, though.

I feel 100% better now, mama.
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26 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mamma Sarah
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 09:47:00

    It was hard not to laugh, but I totally feel for you. Alex is one of those “you-totally-know-what-he-just-did” poopers and when they are “stealth poops” it’s usually everywhere not just in the diaper.Glad to hear the clean-up was as successful at it was and you stayed clean though it all. πŸ˜€

    Reply

  2. Shannon
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 11:24:00

    awww what a great cute as hell picture.10 days worth of poop is no fun.I’ve been there more times than I can say…poop up the back…down the legs…around the front up to the chest!!I can relate and empathize with this situation.

    Reply

  3. Andrea
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 12:17:00

    It’s amazing just how quickly not being able to go can just ruin a mood. Glad she got it out of her system.

    Reply

  4. Kerri.
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 13:00:00

    Oh my goodness is that baby adorable. Sorry about the poop. But she’s damn cute.

    Reply

  5. Erica
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 13:28:00

    She’s adorable!! 10 days worth of poop – with no warning? Ack! I am truly amazed that you didn’t get any on your clothing. LOL I think I’d be just as covered as the baby is said situation πŸ™‚

    Reply

  6. Erica
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 13:29:00

    I’m illerate – I mean as the baby is in the same situation

    Reply

  7. LauraJ
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 16:53:00

    bravos all around!

    Reply

  8. Angela
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 18:15:00

    I am so glad she finally went for you. Sorry about the saucer!!ADORABLE picture!!

    Reply

  9. Cat, Galloping
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 19:20:00

    sweet coalminer used to call that thing the dumperoo!

    Reply

  10. In Search Of Balance
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 19:37:00

    She is SO cute! Of course, I’m not on cleanup duty πŸ˜‰

    Reply

  11. Oh, The Joys
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 20:25:00

    It’s what we all want for ourselves… a good poo. Is that too much to ask? I think not.

    Reply

  12. Lara
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 20:27:00

    i’m sorry you had to deal with it, but damn that story was funny. i was cracking up, and i’m in the middle of finals week, so it’s hard for me to find much to laugh about these days.and i second the general consensus that your child is adorable. really. i’m not just saying that. er, typing that.

    Reply

  13. bubandpie
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 21:01:00

    Bub was a once-a-week pooper at that age (not constipated, though – just a normal side effect of breastfeeding, apparently) – so when he did go, he went everywhere. So when the Pie was born I kept waiting for her to start pooping less frequently, and it just never happened – and yet she still managed to escape her diaper two poops out of three. (What she lacked in volume she made up for in velocity.)

    Reply

  14. daysgoby
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 21:01:00

    She’s beautiful!And I remember the quiet-until-you-smell-’em poops – ick.

    Reply

  15. Rachel
    Dec 11, 2006 @ 23:28:00

    photo caption: “You know that surprise you called prune juice you gave me? Now I have a surprise for you!”

    Reply

  16. EC
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 00:38:00

    LMAO! What a great story – I remember one particular one like that. It is hard to forget even after 3 years, lol.

    Reply

  17. Scott K. Johnson
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 01:36:00

    Great story, and great picture!

    Reply

  18. Chrissie in Belgium
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 02:05:00

    Sorry if I laugh, but you have to admit it is funny! Sort of….

    Reply

  19. Deb
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 08:01:00

    Glad she got it out, poor thing. Sorry it was so messy, ick. Oh, you silly goose, if you ever need supplies please please please call me! I have a nicely stocked arsenal of all things diabetes right here in town! I haven’t been reading your blog lately and had no idea you were low on supplies. Please call me next time!!!

    Reply

  20. bethany
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 10:56:00

    exactly the story that i needed to make me laugh during the week of hell … aka finals week … thank you for sharing!And she’s beautiful ❀

    Reply

  21. Anonymous
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 13:00:00

    Thanks for the laugh! I am glad she got her business done and can be comfortable again.Kids Storybook Crazy

    Reply

  22. Beck
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 15:01:00

    Oh, I know what happened – see, my toddler had diarhhea for a bunch of days and obviously used up the cosmic baby poop supply. Now that she’s feeling better, Nature Hath Been Restored. You’re welcome.

    Reply

  23. EC
    Dec 12, 2006 @ 15:36:00

    Hey Julia – I figured I would answer you question here. Yep, blog renting is basically for exposure done through Blog Explosion. If you are a member then you just rent other peoples blog so you can get more or new visitors. That is how most people found me because at one time, I had only 1 visitor, lol. I was bored and needed more peopel to love me ;)Anyhow, if you are a member – if not it is free to sign up – then you should try itwww.blogexplosion.com

    Reply

  24. Sharon
    Dec 13, 2006 @ 17:09:00

    In our house, that is referred to as a “glorious dump”. Eew. BTW, I tried to email you via the addy given on your home page, left side… it bounced back. Do you use a different one?

    Reply

  25. Jenny
    Dec 13, 2006 @ 19:09:00

    Stealth pooper. I LOVE it! (When it doesn’t happen to me, that is.)

    Reply

  26. MileMasterSarah
    Dec 18, 2006 @ 21:51:00

    lmao. I’m sure this happened with both my kids at some point.

    Reply

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