A very lousy weekend

Sometimes I wonder if I should be putting these things out there. It’s pretty personal, but it’s what’s going on.

TCBastidIM (thanks, Angela) has put the second to the last nail in the coffin, placed the second to the last straw, has one more strike. Pick your metaphor. I’ve just about had it.

Saturday night he decided to play poker with the guys. He can never just say “Hey, so-and-so called and invited me to come play poker, do you mind?” He has to couch it in false solicitousness. “What are you doing tonight? How are you feeling?” And if I say “Tired,” (and I always say tired), he says “Well, why don’t you go to bed early?” Which translates to “I’ve had a better offer than your sorry ass and I’m going to take it, but I’m going to make you think I actually give a shit about how you’re feeling and doing before I race out the door.”

He worked all day Saturday, which was fine, we need the money. He said they were going to work until 5:30 or so, so that he wouldn’t have to work yesterday and we could spend the day together. Ok, fine. But then we had the speech outlined above and that was that. He was home for about an hour before running back out the door.

He rolled in the house at 3:30 in the morning. Yes, I was up. And it wasn’t even so much that he got home so late, it was that he was stinking drunk. He’d managed to consume most of a 750 ml bottle of rum. There was probably 2 inches of booze left in the bottle. To top it off, he decided it would then be a good idea to drive home. Drive home in the COMPANY vehicle.

When he’d somewhat sobered up yesterday morning, I told him that this was it. If it happened again, I was taking the children and leaving. I’d rather go stay in a shelter than live with someone who has that little regard for how his stupidity can impact three kids’ lives.

My heart is in bits right now, but I can’t keep being put last. I’m tired of it being The Boy’s Show, 24/7. I’m tired of feeling this way, like I’m the least important person on the planet, that it’s all him, all the time, and to hell with the rest of us.

He claims he’s going to change, claims that he loves me, that we are the most important things in the world to him. I really hope that’s true. I want this marriage to work.